February 28, 2012

• 3:42 in Austria. Can’t Sleep.

  I now know why Japanese tourists smile and nod so much. I find myself doing the same thing. “Hello, I am a perfectly harmless foreigner. I don’t know enough of your language to converse with you. Yet, I don’t want to offend you by insisting you speak in my language. So I will try to look agreeable and friendly.”

  I really am trying with very simple phrases. How hard can it be to say “thank you”? For me, apparently, very hard. Yesterday morning, Michael told me that the word “danke” was said like “Tonka” as in a Tonka truck. But then he said it wasn’t. So I thought he and others were saying it like “donkey.” So I tried that. No luck. DAN-ka? DON-ka? DEN-ka? It’s to the point the kids shake their heads and say, “Mom, stop. You are an embarrassment.” <Begin pathetic whine: I really am trying. I feel like an aberration of nature. I am hurt when they say stuff like that, but I am also self-conscious that I truly am humiliating them and myself.  End of pathetic whine>

  I also feel  a kindred spirit now with the insane homeless who wander the streets muttering to themselves. “ENT-shol-de-ghang. Ent-SHOL-de-gang. No, ENT-shul-de-gahg??” With all the “excuse me’s” I say, you’d think I was the terror of the sidewalk!  And I really want to learn to ask for tap water, leitungs-wasser. Can I say this? I practice and practice, and then when it comes time to ask the waitress for water, I say, “Water, please?” and mimic turning on a faucet (all the while smiling and nodding like an idiot). I mean, really, I am afraid to say “wasser”?  What do I think my poor pronunciation is going to translate into? “Waitress, you smell bad. I also hold you personally responsible for the Holocaust. And, you need a shave.”

  And why do I remember Essig? It means “vinegar.” I looked it up in case I ever encountered a salad and wanted to order my dressing. (I like straight vinegar.) This word, which I probably will never use in the next two months, is firmly cemented in my mind.

  Suffice it to say, I do not have the gift of tongues. It must be because I am a Baptist.

   

  • 9:43 pm
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